Living in debt puts you in a weird spot. It feels like you have enough money for everything you need. But do you? Who can tell?
I can’t afford to get my hair done before Christmas.
Saying that sounds like a lie because I’m not poor. I mean, my personal finances are tapped out, but I’m married. My husband earns a good salary. We’re not about to lose our house or anything. Even in my currently tapped out state, I’ve budgeted money for Christmas gifts. Maybe I could steal from there…
But no. No. That would be selfish and wrong.
Having lived in debt for so much of my adult life (all of it?), it feels like the truth to say I could come up with the money to get my hair done. (It also feels honest to say “done” when what I really mean is “dyed.” But isn’t the point of dyeing your hair to trick the world into believing you’re younger than you are and not in any way going grey? Why bother if you’re going to be upfront about it?)
The fact is—and this is a real, true fact, not a feeling—coming up with this money would result in some other cost going on a credit card. At least right now.
What I’m trying to do here is avoid more debt by living as close as I can to reality. As a freelancer, I often don’t know when my checks will arrive. But pretending they’ll get here sooner than they might clearly hasn’t worked, i.e. has driven me into debt. At this moment, I can look ahead in time and know exactly how much money I can count on having through the end of the year. It’s doubtful anything more than that will arrive during this time frame.
This is the money I have to work with. This is the reality I have to live in if I’m going to avoid more debt.
So OK, then. I can’t get my hair taken care of before Christmas. At least not by a professional. I can accept that reality, but there’s simply no reason to accept grey roots when perfectly affordable do-it-yourself touch-up kits line the shelves at Target.
Not that I would know anything about that.
